Enhanced Marriage & Parenthood Package

A silly thought just occurred to me of late. I've been reading many other mommy's blog but am wondering if there's actually anyone out there who is interested in reading mine. Not that mine is of much intellect or technical information. It's just mostly rants and marking of milestones. But hmmm many of those blogs put me to utter shame. They are so organised, and not to mention so lengthy!!! i'm quite a chatter thus translating them onto a blog shouldn't be such a problem, but the issue here is TIME! it's always not enough, especially when you are with a toddler and half the time the hub isn't around to help. So yeah, i'm always wondering WHY are the mommy bloggers so disciplined and where do they actually find time? Maybe I'm doing something wrong. 

Lately, the government announced the new Enhanced Marriage & Parenthood Package. Rejoice? Ha! not exactly. I honestly think it's a joke to use such a measly amount to entice a significant growth in the fertility rate. The government is aiming for 7million by 2030. That's when BB k will be 18. sweet. I hope she doesn't get pressured to get married and have kids then. The hub and I are definitely in favour of contributing to the total fertility rate especially after the birth of K who is bringing so much joy to our lives each and every day. However, the financial worries always put us, or at least, ME back. We earn a modest living and with the dependency ratio being 2:1 for me, it's quite a burden. How can working people harmonise their family responsbilities if both have to work? Yet if we don't work, how is K gona be able to attend preschools (which are freaking expensive these days! blame it on the area we are residing...too many rich fellows). Guilt pangs often hit me coz i don't wana be stuck in some other kid's home and missing the milestones in my baby's growing up years. I want to witness her first step (she's almost there, gona walk independently really soon) and not to hear that she could do this or that from her grandmother. I want to be there to cook all those yummy and nutritious stuff for her, instead of feeding her with instant cereals or porridge coz I'm too tired or pressed for time. But all these seems impossible with our high standards of living. The enhanced package doesn't seem to help in this respect. Giving one wk of paternity leave instead of what NTUC recommended -- 2 wks. Hmmm...That, I'm actually fine coz if it's 2wks, the hub will probably end up on the greens for one wk instead of frolicking in the water with his daughter. Yet again, look around you and it's not tough to find a handful of SAHM. Friend M is a typical example and she has been doing it for 6 years now. I've always asked her the secret and her answer was to be prudent in spendings and live within your means. Hmm, her means allows her to live in a condo and drive a Volkswagon. In retrospect, I live in a flat and drive a Toyota. Something is seriously wrong.

All the SAHP article that i'm reading never fails to make me feel guilty. I think that it is highly possible for a family to survive on a single middle income. But as with all, many material pursuits will have to be given up. The might translate to eating out less, staycations, less shopping and byebye branded bags. The thing about Singaporeans, like what a Bloomberg article wrote, we are a materialistic lot, always left wanting the next better thing. The reason I work, is that I love to travel. And we would never be able to afford loan payments on our house, car and be able to travel on a single income. I guess its not often discussed because economically, the standard of living here is pretty high. A family would have to think VERY HARD before deciding not to work. Problem with Singapore is probably we do not have the infrastructure to support all choices. But at least they are trying with the Enhanced package. It's unfair to compare with countries which do it better - OZ, the Scandis and so on - as they are typically fairly welfarist states, and one big reason they have that luxury is they have natural resources. At least we are taking the first step towards building a better infrastructure, they can't overhaul the whole thing in a day.

Motherhood is a curve ball, and I am still trying to reconcile that with my career.

Eliminate and Concentrate

Sorry for the blog pause, that is if anyone out there is actually reading. It's been quite a whirlwind of activities ever since last November when the lil bub came into our world. I spend an inordinate amount of time figuring out her incessant wails and planning her next feed or my next pump. Now that work has started, every night when I'm back, it's a joy watching her finally succumbing to her fatigue. It's such a breather to be able to sit and followup on things thereafter, only to worry that the lil bub will decide to wake up at 2+am. My brain is certainly not designed to function at the wee hours of the day as the only acceptable thing to do is to snuggle up in bed. That said, in the past i used to do late nights. Coming home at 5am till dad had to lock me out was no surprise. N pre-pregnancy, staying up to chat with sis L till 4am is also a routine. But these days, I'm just hoping I've more time for sleep. I'd be thankful if lil bub allows me a full 4 hours stretch of undisturbed sleep. It's certainly vital that her neural tube develops properly and one way is to SLEEP!

It's a daunting challenge albeit a very rewarding one to be placed in this situation. Love involves sacrifices and I astound myself with my productivity at times. Ok, i can certainly do better but seems like there's always an endless amount of things to follow up. Bad thing about me is I like to tackle the easy stuff first before working up the guts to do something more intense. By then, the pile of stuff would sit there and mock me. Sometimes, I accumulate so many things to do that it starts to look impossible. To be fair, I haven't exactly been very organised in more ways than others. Perhaps coz endless amount of things seem to be coming in ie. enquiries for Jumpstart (which is a good thing); research on lil bub's kindy matters (that will come in a separate post some time lter i hope) and not to mention, with the exams round the corner, a crazy amount of homework to followup. In fact, was just telling the hub that i haven't been able to concentrate and focus even when driving. His reply -- Lack of sleep. I know how u feel. You do? seriously? The hub is always in bed by the time lil bub goes to bed which is approximately midnight. I can't imagine how it'd be when he travels again. With him around, at least lil bub gets to be home early..else she'd have to wait till 10+pm before mommy picks her. By then, fatigue has overwhelmed her and she'd be all cranky. Not a very welcoming gesture after a long day. As if that's not challenging enough, her fussing moments before sleep can take one anywhere from half an hour to an hour or so! In all fairness however, he tries to alleviate my agony. I'm not complaining about this new role, just wonder when I can slow down a bit and concentrate on the lil bub and myself. The hub suggested going for a trip...just the both of us, but easier said than done! He's pressing me for a date to go on the trip and I insisted on bringing lil bub so it won't be that taxing on the MIL. Baby needs mommy! no seriously, u should see her at night prior to her bed time. In anycase, I don't want to be lugging my pump n have to dump whatever I've express. Heart pain! But there's a lot of matters to worry about should we bring baby along eg hv we brought enough diapers? would she feel awful at take off and landing? Will she change her routine n mess things up? Would the ppl there be open to nursing in public? My goodness, the list seems endless, but to the hub, he just wants a "break" from sunny Singapore. We'll see.

I think i seriously need to re-assess my routine. Need to eliminate all the fuzz and concentrate! To begin, maybe I should acknowledge what's mounting on my to-do list and grasp those issues by the horns instead of procrastinating. Need to try harder at spending more time with the lil bub. Guilt is eating me up when I see how she's struggling to keep awake just to see her mama at night! In all honesty, I think i haven't been all that industrious compared to a few months back. It's a stark contrast eg I'd be waking up at 5am to pump but now, i'd rather sleep n pray that lil bub will wake up only at 7am. It's increasingly difficult to be motivated with all this sleep deprivation going on. With that said, i should perhaps stop typing and start doing something more substantial!! haha

The last day of 2011

Time and space are fragments of the infinite for the use of finite creatures Time waits for no man and it's worse when you have a child to keep you on your toes!

it's the last day of 2011 and i didn't even realise till i saw the many wishes on FB. There hasn't been much difference in night and day since lil pumpkin's born thus you can't blame me for amnesia.

It's always on this day that nostalgia kicks in and i'll review what I've achieved through the year. 2011 has been a whirlwind for me. Every bit of memory holds a special meaning and this year my treasure box of nostalgia is brimming over. this year has been a fairly tumultuous one, coping with the 24/7 sickness during the first tri and the intense exam period in the last tri. Coupled with the hub's constant business trips, I was left to face the unknown myself. All was worth it, when I laid eyes on the most beautiful thing in the world -- my lil pumpkin :)

Having lil pumpkin means several adjustments to our lives. Married life is already difficult and now, there'd be more compromises to be made. I am guilty of not tending to my hub's needs and feelings at times but I want to tell him that I appreciate him lots despite my constant "scoldings" hehe...Tolerating each other's habits and way of life is something that we all must learn continually, but most have been sweet and I'm thankful for the beautiful and sacred covenant of marriage.

The lil pumpkin's growing n that is evident from the amount of poop she excretes. I suppose she's 5kg now. Few wks ago she was 4.2kg when she went for her first vaccination.

She's a brave girl and faced the jab with a big scream and calmed down really fast thereafter.

It isn't an easy task to hv to juggle with laundry, cooking, chores, amidst diaper changing, feeding and coaxing, but I'm proud to say that I'm coping well thus far. In all truth, the clueless times were an incredible test of patience but it comforts my soul and makes me smile to hear lil pumpkin's coos and gagas.Well, sure I can do with more rest but this learning curve has been an incredible process.

My main driving force

This year marks also the launch of my agency. No mean feat either, considering I was preggers and had to juggle with my main line. Despite several technical hiccups, I pulled through. Though marketing has been shelved, several deals have been closed and I'm truly blessed for the word of mouths. I hope to climb to greater heights in 2012!

Christmas wasn't helluva celebration unlike in the past without lil pumpkin. In fact, I suppose age is catching up and we are embracing the camaraderie and hanging out with the usual friends instead of partying the night away. Thinking back, those times were really fun, but we are entering another phase of our life. Time in its aging course teaches all things and I hope i'm able to learn more and excel.

A man who dares waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.

Charles Darwin

Monster in law

Once again my patience was tested today :
Mil: bb's hair so fine sure drop like all my 3 children
Me: CHOY!!
Mil: really will drop one
Me: CHOY
Mil: might drop till bald. Most bb drop at the fringe.. Very ugly
Me:silent (fed up to the max)

Seriously why are the old foggies like that? Earlier today his aunt also commented that this particular bb is very ugly. 很难看 were her exact words! Mean words run in the family I guess? Intentionally or unintentionally it's really uncalled for!

Too many chefs spoil the broth

When you are blessed with a child, unfortunately, you aren't equally blessed with more time. been meaning to blog every step of this arduous yet fulfilling journey, yet the pockets of 15mins break don't seem enough for my creative juices to flow. Or perhaps it's just an excuse. Blame it on the lack of discipline on my part. I with God can multiply my strength and time.

My 30days confinement is finally over. Which marks the beginning of a new challenge -- to take care of lil pumpkin alone! The MIL was pretty clear cut on the last day of the confinement. After leaving me at home with lil pumpkin whilst she went round Singapore to deliver the full month cakes, she came back only to clear and bring back all her pots and pans. In the fridge lay only a fish head, a slab of lean meat and some weird concoction. Before leaving, she mentioned that should I want to continue nursing myself to health, the nxt 10 days is also important. It's a time to take nutritious things coz thereafter, it is believed that whatever thing you eat is useless. With that said, there's still no offer from her to stay another 10 days. Not that I'm in favour of it to be pretty honest. BUt the least she could probably do is to offer help in terms of lunch and dinner? Nope. None, Neh. So i could only seek Empress Dowager's help in grocery shopping. The thought of caring for a newborn and doing the chores (note: i'm using cloth nappies -- compliments of the MIL), cooking double boiled soups for myself, on top of it all, breastfeeding and bathing the baby -- scares me. Where does one find so much time and strength to do it all. Indeed, all these require an immense amount of COURAGE! especially when you are faced with a possibly colicky and wailing kid...or when bathing a slippery screaming child. It can sometimes be very testing.

Ok, before i deviate into other matters, the focus of this post is -- The MIL from hell! Ok she aint exactly the worst MIL i've heard, but I guess due to the fact that we've never lived with each other, things were pretty intense for me. In fact, she was my major source of post natal blues.
I was initially thankful that she had given up work to take care of lil bub and I for I knew Empress Dowager would not do such a thing. However, the first few wks were very upsetting. To facilitate the train of thoughts, I decided to list things down in point form:

1) whilst breastfeeding, she would carry the baby to me, see me strip (though i do it really slowly to indicate that I'm actually very uncomfortable that a stranger is looking down at my boobies!) and once I'm done feeding, she'll carry the baby away! -- CRADLE SNATCHER! The episode is truly a case of invasion of privacy. I cried each time that happens yet no one is there to lend me a shoulder. The influx of raging hormones can really get the blues kicking.

2) Whilst breastfeeding again, she'd sometimes walk in and out of my room on the pretext of doing chores. One may say : why dont u just lock your room whilst nursing. My answer: i'm in pain after C sec and can't quite carry the baby, let alone, walk to lock the door!

3) Once, when i was done breastfeeding, she stood next to me and said she'll carry lil bub away from me to burp her! Isnt this typically done by the mother? WHere's the opportunity to bond then?

4) As she and Empress Dowager had never breastfed before, there was very weak support from them. Instead, i received several sarcasm as they think i'm being ridiculous not to use the bottle. THe logic is simple-- Wouldn't it be easier in terms of washing up to latch on than to go through the hassle of sterilizing etc? Note, at this point, lil bub feeds on avg every 2 hours (sometimes less). and this interval is counted from the moment she latches! In other words, she can start suckling at 7pm, be done by 730pm+., after burping and calming her down, it'd probably be 8pm...thereafter, if i'm lucky (no need for diaper change), i'd be left with an hour to eat, shit or bathe! So where would I even have time to sterilize stuff? Note, I do not have any help whatsoever! Also, the antibodies are more for breastmilk than formula and should I make use of the frozen EBM, i'd be discounting the antibodies! It all doesn't make much sense to me.

5) The hub gave me a bouquet of roses at the hospital. Possibly his 3rd in our entire relationship thus far, so it's exceptionally meaningful. I brought it home. A few days later, it went missing!! The MIL threw them away without even asking! and the roses weren't even wilted! THis happened not only Once, but twice as the second time i received a hamper with flowers and helium balloon (which i wanted to recycle) and it mysteriously disappeared again! upon searching, i found them in my recycling bag! Told the hub about it, hoping that he'd empathise, but instead, he said "she just kept it aside, i'll get it back for u"..ya from the rubbish bag? How fresh is that?I know it's tough being sandwiched in between, but he seriously needs to work on mother management.

6) She threw away loads of sauces and stuff from my fridge...some without my permission again! Every single thing I'm using from the type of soya sauce I'm using (she claims it's too dark and weird) to the brand of detergent we are using (she said it stinks), she has a comment. We had to buy new ones coz of that. Just the other day, I wanted some pepper but could not even find! the entire organisation of the kitchen was in disarray.

7) Lil bub has not been able to sleep through for 2 hours...the moment she's placed down, probably after 15mins on avg (depending on the hour) she'll start her tantrums for some reason. I dont blame her as she's only a newbie to the world. But the MIL attribute all these to the lack of FOOD and kept questioning my milk supply. I was down. Very down. I started questioning and doubting myself too. Was I doing a good job? Should I succumb to the tin I have stored for emergency? Do i need to turn to the holy fenugreek -- the herb which claims to boost milk supplies? Or the strange concoction of papaya fish soup? However, upon pumping, i realise that I've got sufficient if not excess milk!! even my massage lady says I'm good.

8) Whilst organising the full month party for lil bub, emotions escalated. Initially, out of respect, I seeked MIL's advice as to whom she'd like to invite. She started counting the number of relatives (incl Msian relatives) and said we should do a luncheon for relatives and tea or dinner for friends. Taking that into consideration and knowing that both MIL and FIL has heaps of siblings, I reckoned I needed a bigger place for the party; my house was out of the question. Thus after searching, I settled for the function room at my uncle's place. Paid for it and ALAS, the MIL decided that it is rude to invite ppl as it would imply that we are begging them for ang bao!!! OMG which planet is she from? In the first place, these relatives would have already come to my house and pass me the present or ang bao! Thus it'd be a nice gesture to invite them and be merry at the party! Apparently FIL had the same thinking. I dont blame him, coz afterall he's from Mars. That apart, together with Empress Dowager, they couldn't give me a proper number for the number of cakes they needed. I told them my intentions to DIY the package and yet it didn't seem to get into their brains. At the 11th hour in fact, MIL said she wanted to deliver some sets on Friday (the part is on saturday) which means to say, everything has to be ready by Thursday!! This project isn't solely mine. I had to depend on heaps of help, namely from the couz. she's a gem to bake all the cupcakes and she's doing all these amidst her work! Thus to make such an absurd request is infuriating! So the couz and I had to restrategise and I had to activate my dad and the BIL who so kindly helped me with collection since I can't step out of the house. to bake all 200 cupcakes on Thursday and keep majority of them till Saturday isn't ideal as freshness is compromised. Thus, we had to do it in batches. Being in confinement and having a hungry baby every 2 hours didn't make things any easier. Also, out of the blue, I can have a request from the MIL or empress dowager that they need extra to give to this or that friend. See, there's a similarity between the women in my life: they have all the ideas and plans in their mind, but they dont verbalise it. They expect the people around to know what they are thinking and when things dont go as plan, they get upset or wonder why. The entire traumatic experience was too much to stomach thus I shared my unhappiness with the hub. Unhappy that things have been screwed up but more importantly because the hub was going to be away for a wk til the morning of lil bub's full mth party! thus logistics is on my shoulder. I needed him to speak to his mom urgently. However, perhaps my complaints had been fast and furious, it finally got to him and he accused me of blaming his mother. I took a step back and realise this IS afterall his MOM! Then again, who is helping me? Thankfully there's the SIL who totally understands what I'm going through as she had been going through it for the last 30 yrs! She tried to "manage" her mom for me in and indirect way and I thought it was really effective and wished the hub had done likewise. Afterall i dont really fancy bad-mouthing anyone.

9) The MIL, Empress Dowager and I have all different views on the food I should be eating. Empress Dowager says I should not take too much ginger since I'm breastfeeding. I find that logical however, MIL beg to defer. MIL thinks that eating salmon is good due to the fatty acids and again, I found it logical but Empress Dowager said it is poisonous and got utterly upset that I ate it during confinement. I think that eating certain types of fruits is "cooling" and according to my TCM physician, vinegar will soften my bones ..but the MIL thinks i'm ridiculous and insist on cooking vinegar. Since day one, I've been forced to gulp down Chicken essence and eat first born eggs, but alas, a wk later, Empress Dowager said due to my Csec I should not eat all these as they are again "Poisonous"-- this i've actually heard. I'm sandwiched. When baby seemed to have colic, I googled on the gasy things I should avoid and apparently broccoli was one of them together with milk, eggs, wheat etc all of which the MIL had been drowning me with. I shared with her, only to be refuted with her own set of theories. To Empress Dowager, should i try to educate her, i'd be deemed as going against her. To the MIL, i try to drop subtle hints but she would have her 101 excuses. It's tough being both a daughter and a daughter-in-law.

Now that I'm alone with the lil bub, I feel more at peace though way busy. However, everyday is a learning experience and I think i'm doing alright in this steep learning curve. Looking back, it's impossible to avoid the blues unless your support group is strong. Thankfully I manage to keep my sanity by ranting to fellow mommies and favourite uncle (re family politics which arose during the organisation of the full mth party). I do however, wish that the hub can extend more TLC and sincere concern to me. But for now, I'm on my own and have to take comfort that the lil bub is growing healthily day by day.


You are a good father, but may you have more wisdom in controlling your anxiety when lil bub wails or your frustrations when the wife feels emo.

rising temper and exasperation

He will probably never know. Not unless he reads this blog which he created for me years ago. Yes, created n that was it. Unless i shove the screen in front of his face, else perhaps nothing I write would interest him. In fact, I'm probably the most boring person on this surface of the Earth for him?

Anyhow, as you can sense, the tension is mounting. Indeed, I'm angry, no, livid. My breath caught in my throat as I felt my heart pounding, and temper rising. I'm controlling, but the result -- my eyes bulged and the veins on my forehead seemed ready to burst! I'm incandescent with rage and am very embittered...turning into an extremely disgruntled wife all because of one person -- HIM! Yes you! you know who you are! As patient and understanding as I try to be, the following events have upset me tremendously:

EDD is tmw n though there's no action, no one's sure when will what come right? Given that these few days are wkends and pH , I was initially thinking it’s a gd thing at least the hub can be around for me and spend some couple time with me. The last few days had been rather busy for him at work, thus I can't complain even if I wanted to. You would think that things could be compensated since it's the wkend. WRONG. so WRONG:

Thursday — I waited till 530pm then he informed that he can’t have dinner with me at his mom’s place. Granted that he has work, but it’s so irresponsible to tell me at the 11th hour n the mom doesn’t even know he wasn’t coming back. Upon reaching home at 840pm, he announced that he wanted to join his friends for soccer at 9pm. I was in immense pain that night. The jabbing and prickling feeling in the V area was rendering me helpless n tears of physical pain was well as emotional pain were rolling down. Yet, he wanted to go ahead. It was not until i was in a very uncomfortable position, pouting and tearing, that he decided to relent n cancel his plans. Why do I even have to go to such extent?

Friday — mil din cook thus he said wana come home cook spaghetti n couple time with me (that was coz I told him we really should make use of the remaining time we have else things will change). Sounds sweet? yes, for a moment i was touched and gave him credit. So yes he came back at 7pm...had dinner with me till 8pm, then a phonecall came n he scooted off with tea with E. This time with my blessings as I thought he was merely having tea at the coffee shop down by our block..However, after few hours, he was not back yet, thus sensing something amiss, I texted him twice. No reply after half an hour! Crucial period, how can he do such a thing right? Finally I called him n he said that they changed venue..went to another kopitiam instead. It was nearby n has prata. For the last two days I’ve been whining that I’ve craving for prata but it din occur to him AT ALL that he could buy for me. I questioned him as to why he didnt reply my text..his excuse was that he was busy playing some stupid iphone chess game with E thus NOT FREE! Freaking hell rite? NOT FREE?...ok fine. So I insisted he come back (that was 11pm aldy btw) with prata. He came back at 1145pm (Singapore isn't that big and it would take only 5mins to walk home from his last place of disembarkation). He said he waited for 10mins for prata n asked for curry but after 5 min no curry, he came home as he was pissed with the seller for making him wait. He couldn’t even have the patience to wait for 5more mins..it’s not coz he was in a hurry to come back mind u. he simply was pissed with the seller! WHAT WAS PRATA WITHOUT CURRY?

Saturday (today) -- He woke up n sat over the breakfast table for 1.5hr again on iphone game. The bane of technology! Am really skeptical about the invention of the iphone! I tried distracting myself by completing my xmas decorations...then later told him if he has the time he'll need to wash the fans...esp the ones in our rm n baby rm. He said Aiya, still got time la..in anycase, he can come home whilst I’m in hosp to wash! I had to nag him like crazy, which drove me nuts, until he started to mop the floor (usually he enjoys doing it)...then as for the fan, he procrastinated until I got so fed up I washed it myself after lunch...over lunch he told me he wanted to go practise golf. U would think I should just chill right? yes I'm trying but I know that time is not at our bidding, plus anything can happen anytime, thus it's crucial to get everything done b4 we think of having fun. Then, after dinner, he said at 11pm he wants to go fren’s house watch soccer. I pouted. N he said I shld go too! Why would I want to go? Num one I dun like soccer. Num 2, 11pm-- if i'm lucky, i should be asleep! I did not want to voice out my grievances as he knew what's going on in my mind. I'm scared shit these few days and yet I've to tolerate such crap. So Off he went n assured me that he was just a call away! FYI he'd take 20mins to get home. N i told him i'd rather call my Dad or an ambulance in that case. it wouldnt be of any difference then. In fact, perhaps taxi uncle would do a better job?

Lastly, he preempted me that he has travel plans in early dec. I asked him: what about full mth? his reply: full mth is calculated base on chinese or English calendar? Lame much?

I try to put myself in his shoes. I understand that with the lil one coming along, friends and work may decelerate. However, who's giving me empathy? We women have our career and social life to balance too. Why do women have to always take the backseat? I would love to, but i'm not a SAHM and neither can I aspire to be one given the financial situation he has. it has been a bittersweet r/s and with the highly anticipated arrival of lil watermelon, although we are both very excited, I'm not quite sure of the future. Skeptical. Worried shit. Right now, I'm flushed with ire and really feel like letting go a torrent of expletives, but for the sake of lil watermelon, i shall hold my piece and simply let my angry bile rise in my throat.

Distracting myself with Crafts

The rains and floods have dried up (for a short while only I hope!) and today is well, a relatively nice a sunny day. However, somehow, I haven't had it good for the last couple of days. Been feeling nauseous and had two bouts of vomiting spells over the last two days. It feels like I'm in the first trimester all over again. The feeling is all too familiar. Read up about it and apparently nauseousness is a sign of labour!! AHHHHH somebody quick call the ambulance!

Ok, to distract myself, I've been doing heaps of late. Firstly, I'm proud to say that after all the technical glitches and obstacles, the highly anticipated and procrastinated project of mine...it's like a baby to me too...is launched -- JUMPSTART TUTORS!



Jumpstarttutors is dedicated to help parents get the right tutor to bring out the genius potential that lives within the heart of every child so that together we may pave the way to a better tomorrow. Being an educator for so many years, I feel it's time to help more parents cope with the whole education frenzy.

Being a very aesthetic person, the site had to be close to perfection before its launch. I won't deny but I'm no HTML guru or CSS stylesheet reader thus the whole experience was pretty exasperating especially when you know there's help just an arm's length away (the hub) but you can't get it because he's always so preoccupied. So independence worked its way and paid off! I even designed my own business card for the record! Achievement much! With all these creativity mounting, my obsession with crafts started to bloom once again. Checked out several craft sites set up by SAHMs and am inspired! If only i have the time and resources, but most importantly, can be a SAHM!!! I realise how much I can achieve, given time, but yet again, to have time, we need money! It's the hard truth. Very often I envision myself marrying my passion and work but somehow, it's just so hard.

Anyhowz, check out the crafty resources which I've pooled together and hopefully will embark on them one day soon! Afterall, Xmas is round the corner!







This is pretty manageable. I'm sure I can do something like that for my desk before the new year :)...it is also a necessity since memory failure is here to stay for at least 2 more years after pregnancy according to sources.

Keeping calm

The Almighty M.I.L

Recently, I read that a young English couple, Heidi Withers and Freddie Bourne have been thrust into the media spotlight, due to a letter written by the groom's mothers. (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009518/Carolyn-Bourne-Mother-law-hell-sends-email-bride-Heidi-Withers.html) In her missive, Carolyn Bourne gives her future daughter-in-law a dressing down about her apparent lack of manners. She berates Withers for her behaviour during a visit to the family in April, which she describes as "staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace". Bourne is now labelled by the media here as the "mother-in-law from hell". In this respect, I'm lucky. The horror stories of formidable M.I.L came thick and fast the moment we got married, but I must say, mine is no Empress Dowager-style monster-in-law. In retrospect, I think my own mother is the wicked witch! haha...One reason for our good in-law relationship is coz we aren't living together. With all those hormones under one roof, it's no surprise that sparks will fly. There is a comfortable distance between us yet we are close enough (just 2 blocks away for that matters) to foster good relations.

During this difficult time, particularly during the first tri, with the hubs always away and nonchalant about my well-being, the MIL has been showering me with care and food. Each night when I arrive home at 10pm, I'd have home-cooked food by her. Without qualms (or at least I'd like to think of it that way), she'd bring it over to my house. Very often, there's also the infamous ginseng, double boiled soup and birds' nest soup. I feel so blessed and cared for. On the contrary, my mom will buzz me for a bottle of birds' nest. Yes, this is the sad fact. The MIL has also offered her services during my confinement. I m tremendously thankful else I would have to incur a minimum of $2k for a confinement nanny. Many have urged me to get one regardless as my MIL may not be able to cope with the nights but she has insisted that she is able to. Given her record, I must say, she's a superwoman! Waking up at 4+am to do chores, then goes to work; after work, comes home to cook for the family and be at the beck and call of her children and her picky husband. Totally salute her! Thus, I have faith that she'll be able to do a good job during my confinement month *cross fingers*. Am praying we won't have conflict as to how to take care of the little bub. Many friends have caved in to the pressures of an almighty MIL and hv been battling with depression. Currently, whenever I mention that there's something to help in pregnancy, she'd go all out to get it for me. Upon knowing the gender, she went shopping for clothes the very next day! Excited much? Amidst the domestic flurry, you'd think she doesn't have much of a life balance but WRONG! She manages to travel every now and then and recently came back from a wk long trip with 6 other aunties to Australia! Half her luggage was filled with baby stuff and health food for me! haha...the sis-in-law was desperately wagging her tail in hope of pressies, but all she received were pink socks! haha..I guess as long as we don't overstep their boundaries, it should be less difficult to extricate yourself from any ensuing drama. It's a precarious balancing act and I had good training from my own mother!

PS: Credit should also be given to my sis-in-law who has been a dear during the absence of the mil. Whipped up a simple meal for me and even helped me with my massive books at unearthly hour when her bro, my hubs, isn't around for me. Am truly blessed.

A Whole new challenge

I've been incubating. Literally. The feeling has been very surreal since the day of discovery. It's an awkward moment, trying to reconcile the fact that I entered the A&E ward purely due to a sprained ankle and a bad sprained back, to knowing that I'm an incubator with a little embryo growing inside me!

Been keeping mum about it due to the 3 mths taboo. According to Chinese myths, we should not reveal during the first tri to keep the little one safe. In anycase, it didn't really sink into both sweetie and me for the first few months. Partly due to the fact that I did not balloon (Thank God for that!). In fact, at Wk23 currently, I'm still wearing my pre-preg clothes! though they are slowly getting tight. We didn't quite indulge in the good news till quite recently. Even my dearest daddy didn't show an ounce of happiness at the A&E ward. His reaction: Gal, if u have any financial problems, u must tell daddy ok? With that, my tears simply streamed down incessantly.

Meanwhile, I've been inundated with websites and reading material. Trying to equip myself both scientifically and mythically! Just to share, here are some old wive's tales:

Carrying High, Carrying Low (I would say mine's low)

The way you are carrying during your pregnancy is one of the most oft cited ways of determining the sex of your baby. The general story goes that, if you're carrying low, you're having a boy. If you are carrying high, then you must be having a girl.

What Your Urine Says (ok i've not tried with Drano but the colour is mostly brownish and yellowish. The Chinese physician claims it's due to the lack of water)

This next test to determine a baby's sex may not be for everyone, although it is very simple. Just take a sample of your urine and mix it with Drano. Depending on the color change of your urine, you will have a boy or a girl. Unfortunately, there is no consensus on what color equals which sex. So, if you do decided to try this and your urine turns bluish yellow, brownish, brown, black or blue you will be having a boy. If your urine looks more greenish brown, green, blue or doesn't change at all, then you're having a girl. But be warned: if you decide to do this test, there could be some pretty harsh fumes produced - not to mention the possibility of an explosion!

Heartbeats (initially sweetie said our little one's heart rate seems below 140. It's really hard to decipher)

One belief that has been around for some time, and even had some acceptance in the medical community at one point, is that the fetal heartbeat differs for boys and girls. If you're having a girl, then the fetal heart rate will be above 140. A boy will have a heart rate below 140. However, that pesky science has reared its little head again to say that this is complete fiction. A baby's heart rate is not affected by its sex until it is born, when a girl's heart rate will increase considerably compared with boys during labor.

Craving Something…Sweet? (i was craving for ASSAM fish and anything sour initially. Hate chocolates and puked upon eating them. But lately am into desserts)

Many people believe that your cravings are caused by the sex of your baby. So, if you can't get enough chocolate, you could be having a girl. Does the idea of drinking straight lemon juice sound delicious to you? Then those sour cravings are a result of the little boy inside of you. However, if you go by the scientists, then some of them will claim that you're not even having cravings because cravings just don't exist.

Weight Gain (ok this is a tough one. the hub has been eating chocolates every night, so naturally he's been putting on weight. His tummy to date is still bigger than mine but it's not coz I'm passing on the food to him. Strange)

Thankfully, this one doesn't refer to your weight gain. The belief is that, if your husband puts on weight during your pregnancy, then you will be having a girl. If he doesn't put on a pound, then you're carrying a boy.

Is Her Face Round and Full? (quite the same actually. But the complexion's much much better)

Some say that the shape and fullness of your face during pregnancy can indicate your baby's sex. Every woman gains weight differently during pregnancy, and every woman experiences different skin changes. If people tell you that because your face is round and rosy you are having a girl, they might be right - but it's just as likely that they are wrong! There's also another saying that boys give mommies beauty whilst girls suck away the beauty. I find myself much prettier than before whilst my mom commented that I look UGLY! (yes, what sort of mother says that?) a friend of mine who is bearing a boy has huge nose and claims she looks like a hippo. Guess beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder?

At-Home Tests

Here's a test that you can do next time you change or get out of the bath. Look in the mirror at your breasts. If the right one is larger, you're having a boy! A larger left breast indicates a girl (if they're the same size, does that mean you're having one of each?). --Oh come on! To begin with, mine's bigger on the right already, so what does that mean?

ACNE (not a bit! Yeepee!)

Do you have acne? Some believe that getting acne during your pregnancy indicates you're carrying a girl. Maybe the acne is caused by twice the amount of female hormones?

Hairy belly
Some say this is due to the influx of testosterone. It's quite disturbing as I'm having a really hairy belly! The hubs is worried that I might turn into a man! It is also said that hair growth on the legs and pits will slow down if it's a princess.

BOOBIES
Don't we love it when they grow infinitely during pregnancy? Well according to my mom, she said that if it's a princess, boobies will grow all the way whilst if it's a boy, it will stop around the 5th mth.

Honestly, these myths don't work on me. Well all the better as it suits the mil's and hub's preference. :) The mil has been a gem and I m very blessed to have her around. Hub has been jet-setting across half the world thus leaving me pretty lonely during the first three torturous months. I was literally hugging the toilet bowl and feeling so knackered. The constant nauseousness really made me depressed as I'm lost as to what to eat. Fortunately the mil has been cooking stuff and bringing them over to my place so i'd have a warm meal at the end of the day (which incidentally is at 10pm on the average). Double boiled soups, birds nest soup just to name a few. It's a world of difference over at my own maternal side. Empress Dowager probably thinks she's the one who is pregnant and has been whiny when she was down with a cough. She even asked me for a bottle of Birds nest instead of buying me some! And if I don't call or visit for more than a week, she'll fly into a tirade. Talk about being emo! I think I should get the priority ain't it? Another clear distinction between the two mothers -- MIL went shopping for baby clothes the next day she knew of the gender...mom on the other hand replied "u are so ugly, i knew u'd be having a girl! good for u lor"...mind u, the words "good for u" wasn't delivered in the most sincere or pleasurable manner. She'll really be the death of me. Having to manage a little fetus growing within me and an overgrown baby isn't quite my idea of enjoyment. okok...GOOD THOUGHTS GOOD THOUGHTS!

Anyhow, with the 23rd wk in place, there's no more nausea and a lot less exhaustion. I can't say that much for the mood swings though, but i try to keep them at bay. The little flutters in my belly are no longer jabs and they are pretty pleasurable now. Each time the hub places his ear on my tum tum, I feel a sense of love and warmth. There was even this instance when our little one kicked him in the ear! haha...I can start talking to her and tapping to evoke a response. The only three things which are really bugging me now are: Amnesia, the bladder alarm and backaches. I guess they are mild compared to what other mommies are experiencing. It's probably also the big guy's way of giving me a rehearsal of what's to come.

The great staycation

Have been really uninspired lately, thus the lack of updates. actually quite a bit is happening, but my migraines have been keeping me at bay. It's quite bad and I'm staying away from panadol or all other relief methods. (for the moment at least) This space gets a little stale and sleepy when overactivity in the real world gets a little outta hand.

The task to get started in writing again flummoxed me, but ever since the great staycation I had over the weekend, the zen feeling is coming back.

The noise pollution has been driving me nuts, thus I booked us a room at the Quincy. Nice cosy boutique hotel nestled in the heart of Orchard Road.


Love the decor. Modern.

Entrance to the male toilet

Entrance to the female toilet. Unique.

check out all the freebies! Love complimentaries!

The aircon was such a relief! Stayed in the room almost 24/7 catching up on shows with the hub. Blissful. By keeping my head cool (literally), the headache seems to be minimised. If only Singapore's weather will get cooler!

Complimentary bottle (yes, singular) of wine. But, guess what? we found another in the room, so it's BOTTLES (plural) of wine for us! What a nice birthday gift for the hubs.

Complimentary minibar! SHIOK

Awesome toiletries! MOLTON BROWN! The gingerlily shower foam was heavenly!


The hotel lobby

My green drink and green soup. Sounds healthy?

Set dinner for the night for him.

My Salmon steak. beggars can't be choosers. Was pretty decent.

Quite a boring but typical spread for breakfast. All inclusive.

After breakie, we went up to the top floor to catch up on reads. Was suppose to take a dip but it was rather nifty thus we gave it a miss.

Overlooking the shopping district


Set lunch. Did i mention this is all inclusive too?



Really hope that this feeling of zen will continue. The migraine has a terrible way of spoiling things and giving me a sense of imbalance. It's funny how I have the tendency to shove things to some corner of the ever expanding mental space or simply just let it melt into the background.
Maybe my metabolism, productivity or character is changing, evolved or morphed. For a good reason though. The secret is slowly being revealed, but things are still in a surreal state. Feelings veered into obtuse directions when we hear friends basking in happiness. It's a strange and unexplainable feeling. I or rather, we, were overwhelmed by the enormity of what was unknowingly triggered by those who shared.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING!!

Out of office

I know i should be keeping up with this. It was afterall my resolution. Exciting things are brewing, i just need some time. Promise to be back in a wk or so, if by then you are still interested in my mundane life!

Sleepless nights

This space is getting a little stale. Seriously. There ain't anything blog worthy these days considering the fact that I've been feeling very much under the weather and the hubs has been travelling much. My appetite been rather bad these days owing to the throbbing headache n scorching weather. Been wanting to go out with the gfs for tea and such, but the sun simply refuses to stop its rays and is constantly beating the ground with a vengeance. Sleep hasn't been all that good too due to the arrival of NTUC.

Due to the presence of two supermarkets ie NTUC and ECONminimart, cargo trucks are a common sight. Admittedly, there may be a price to pay in the name of convenience, however of late, the problem has been intensified. I have been residing in this estate for the last 5 years and have seen the problem escalating. Noise or unwanted sound can cause annoyance, stress and in extreme circumstances, sleep deprivation. This has indeed been a major problem for myself over the past few months when I had to tolerate the entrance of heavy vehicles as early as 630am and as late as 10pm or sometimes even at midnight. Even on weekends when most people have the luxury of resting, trucks would stream in intermittently at odd hours of the day. It has caused me incessant headaches and gastritis due to the stress induced by the noise. In addition, at times, when the trucks are illegally parked, private cars which wish to move out of their lots are unable to do so and would honk nonstop. I do understand that the estate is relatively small and to have conveniences by your doorstep comes with some inconvenience. However, the cacophony of noise is truly unbearable. I do believe that the respective vendors are able to minimize such inconsiderate acts. Research demonstrated that young children are uniquely vulnerable to environmental health hazards, and some health and learning problems are linked to pollutants. A fair proportion of the community here, have children. This means we must protect our children against environmental hazards in homes, schools, and communities that can threaten or impair their long-term health and ability to learn.

To make matters worse, the drivers of the heavy vehicles do not switch off their engines whilst unloading. Fumes as such, find its way up my bedroom. For your information, the unloading bay is an enclosed area and all most units are having their bedrooms facing the bay. This translates to bad air quality whilst most at still at home, possibly in the bedroom, at that early hour. Drivers should turn off their engines when their vehicles are stationary. Motorists should not leave their engines idling unnecessarily as such an inconsiderate act produces pollution and wastes fuel. It is also an offence under the Environmental Protection and Management (Vehicular Emissions). I see an urgent need to highlight this deploring matter (which for the record I did...sent a letter to the relevant authorities over the wkend) as coupled with the lift upgrading (which is beyond our control), the air quality and noise level has dwindled tremendously and has serious repercussions on the residents.

The lift upgrading fyi is right by my window. I'm not kidding. A peek out of my bedroom window n there u see, a hugeass monstrous crane piling up a new lift shaft. Another price to pay for convenience? URGH i didn't even want the lift upgrade! To make matters worse, the lift at my own block has not been upgraded and works will soon start! I don't know how to survive. The thought of moving back to dad's peaceful condo did come to mind, but between a pig sty and noise pollution, I choose the latter. Then there's always mil's place which is just 2 blks away. But there's 4 other residents in the house, I certainly don't want my privacy to be invaded. Last resort? BUY A NEW HOUSE! ha! An extremely tempting thought. Am contemplating especially since this is our 5th year. However, sweetie has just found a job (which hopefully can be his long-term ticket to retirement) and well, things are just too financially unstable at the moment. So I guess I'm back to square one. *SIGH*

Black hole

I seem to have disappeared into another black hole. Well yes, kindof. Was working on launching my website (see next post). It's no joke when one is technically challenged, but even sweetie's really proud of me! :)

Admittedly, there hasn't been much happening. No gastronomic eye candies to share. Appetite has been bad thus no high caloric affair. In anycase, we should not splurge when in such status. But the thankful thing is, SWEETIE FOUND A JOB! it's about time!! There was no heavy pondering as it was clear this was a good route. *fingers crossed* As we await the first day of work in anticipation, the boss called and told him his first day will be in GERMANY! Coolbeanz! Pity he can't pack me along :( Prada, Gucci, Bottega, Balenciaga....you guys will have to wait as the hub's notoriously bad at presents and surprises. Some big plans in motion now, I pray they will go through smoothly. One thing at a time yes, but time is finite and so is this world.

Drifting apart

Took this off Holly's blog. I think it's so true thus decided to replicate it here.

Some sooner than others, some more obvious than others... people do change and can drift apart.

A couple does not have to go through a huge, traumatic ordeal (e.g cheating) to break up with each other. Sometimes the relationship simply runs its course.

It's so common, and yet, we often don't see it coming. That's because in most cases, the relationship is exactly the same as it was before, for instance, same bed, same routine, same job, same friends, same country... but now, the feelings are different.

How do you know if you and your partner are drifting apart? Here are the signs...

1. Less Intimacy

By intimacy, I am talking about affection and closeness. Does he still kiss you? Has he stopped cuddling or spooning you at night? Does he pull away when you try to hold his hand?

2. Less Communication

When a partner stops calling as often, or does not bother to return your calls or messages, it's highly likely that he's not bothered to. When you no long feel like you want to tell him about your day (good news or bad news)... it's a red flag too.

3. No Shared Activities

Yes, it's great to have your own life, independent to your partner's. Yes, be your own person. But when you and your partner do not make the effort to include each other into some activities in each others' lives, then you will eventually be 2 completely separate people. Probably not even suited as friends... let alone life partners!

4. No Sex

Yes, there are periods of droughts in every relationship. But prolonged (more than a couple of weeks) periods of no sex (even though you're in the same city/country) is a big red flag.

5. No More Joy
When you realise that there is no more fun and laughter in your relationship, that can definitely be a sign that the two of you are growing apart, especially if you used to laugh together a lot.

6. Petty Fights
Having disagreements from time to time is normal. Fighting every few days is not. If one or both of you start picking fights over the little (and ridiculous) things, or if you find yourselves being much less tolerant than before, those can all be bad signs of an imminent break up.

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I wish none of these were true... but it is.

3.5 out of 6. That's my score.
Many factors could cause that 'drifting apart' feeling, maybe not to that extent but inevitable if both dun continue to keep it going stronger. Wonder if it's common among couples nowadays, for the relationship to become saturated or worst, stale?
As time pass by, no matter how pretty you are (or "WERE" once upon a time -- that's worse); if a guy look at you everyday somehow the novelty will wear off.

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Walking through the Four Seasons

February must be the cruellest month of the year. First it was the infamous hallmark festival, thanks to T.S Eliot -- Valentine's Day. A day where every teen and adult is in a state of ecstasy. You must have noticed that this year, I chose the low key approach and did not even have a post dedicated to the wretched date. Next up in February is a day when I gracefully age. Lest you think I'm cynic, I'm happily married and am graciously accepting the fact that age is catching up (though mostly I still try to live in denial!) This year, the excitement seems mellow. Probably because we can't afford to be financially extravagant. Have to seriously manage my expectations for I believe this year he'll be an ultimate cheapskate. Cards, flowers and possibly cakes are not quite his thing, thus I shan't expect any form of declaration from him. He doesn't believe in being pretentious and insubstantial. Thanks to his unsentimental bent, I've learnt to breeze the day away as if it's an ordinary day ever since my 21st birthday. erm, well at least I try not to whine about it. it would be nice though, if in the years to come, there'd be a bag of my choice glitter or some girly gadget presented to me on the special day. Ok, materialism has set in, but from time immemorial, which woman wouldn't yearn for such simple pleasures in life? Grappling with the rigours and expectations of a relationship is certainly not easy. Friends J & W however have brought their love to the next level and decided to cement it last Sunday:


Singapore's ang baos are plain boring. Specially bought ang bao envelopes from HongKong. Nice :)

The lovebirds -- A matchmade in heaven. They have the same radiant smile! I was just commenting to sweetie that we smile differently. I can't smile with my lips closed while he on the other hand, often gives a purse-lip smile.

Are they not like two volumes of one book?

Food was pretty good. On a scale of 10, it would garner an 8 from me. In particular the soup which many of the boys thought was a tad sourish. The herbal chicken was however a slight disappointment. Couldn't taste any herbal ingredients. I would like to think that my version of herbal chicken's far better. In the midst of the banquet, friend J ordered his infamous bowl of rice. Lousy according to him as it was microwaved. Dessert was a generous portion. Pity I had to restrain myself and share it with the hub coz all were "cooling" stuff. sigh.

Unlike most other weddings attended, what was different here was that the bride had prepared a surprise. A song with exceptionally meaningful lyrics. I could have swore I had a tear rolling in my eye. It certainly takes courage to finally decide your man is the right one for you and to share the rest of your life with him.

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

~ Germaine Greer~