Single Parent

Blogging used to be an avenue to destress. It still is, unfortunately, there's simply not enough time these days. Wish someone would come up with a system which verbalises my thoughts as a blog. That would certainly save time!

The last week of February was all joy and sweat. The hub was not in Singapore for a week and it was the first time ever he missed my birthday. By missing, i don't mean not being able to celebrate physically with me, but emotionally and more importantly, THERE"S NO PRESENT!! To be fair, he did get me a bottle of Dior on his previous business trip but he purchased the wrong one! I was whining for Jadore eons ago and have since gotten it for myself. The finger was pointed at me coz I was not appreciative. Sigh....this is the second time he got me a duplicate..clearly the fault doesn't only lie in me? In anycase, we did discuss what my present should be. I reckon, Men are generally dense, thus I might as well make it clear. The discussion was a lively one and it ended off with him saying that he'll get a discount from a certain someone. Surely all this talk has been imprinted in his mind? Think again. When the discussion surfaced for the second time (after my birthday), the finger was once again pointed at me as I did not remind him. Sigh.





Thankfully, i've got great bffs who won't ditch me on this special day! Went out with the gals at the new Katong i12. TGIF is there and I'm gaga over Max brenner..The molten lava cake is to die for! a little pricey though.

Two other people who won't ditch me and would do everything in the world for me -- My parents. SOmehow, with the introduction of their grand-daughter, they seem more patient. They were even willing to queue up from 630pm till 8pm for a seat and till 9+pm for my long awaited dish -- CRAB! thereafter, empress dowager helped to bottle feed Baby K. Amazingly she did it in 20mins flat! So unlike the MIL who needs an hour. Strange. Half the time, mom was talking and carrying Baby K and my dear Billy (aka dad) just sat there and gave me 75% of the crabs! I ate till my arms ached! BUT BOY WERE THEY GOOD!!! I waited for 13months before eating!! blame it on the C-sec! Had to wait an additional 100 days *groan*

A happy meal for a happy me! Cooked noodles w heaps of ingredients and most importantly -- 2 eggs! Noodles symbolises longevity and eggs...errrr....Go google!

The shoulders groaned under the weight of immense responsibility with me getting up in the morning, interacting with Baby K, bathing her, cooking my own lunch (the only proper and most nutritious meal of the day) and thereafter, send her over to the MIL's before carrying the pump, the books and the bag down to the car for work. The day end typically at 9+/ 10pm and by the time I'm back to pick the lil one, her eyelids were as heavy as lead, struggling to see her mommy before she sleeps and demanding for her last feed. It's not until past midnight that I'm able to truly sit down and have a snack/ drink/ bath or even pee! With the hub away so frequently (he doesn't feel so though), lil bub is beginning to wonder who this man is and I am made to feel like a single parent. Often, I marvel at this resilience I have and the ability to take care of the 101 niggly things. It's a real hustle and bustle and these days, I yearn for a day when I can just zone out, chill over a good cup of tea + cakes and not work.

I'm not lamenting that I don't enjoy this working mommy gig, but just wish I can sit back and breathe for a bit before the new day ambushes me. Sometimes, my mind is so bogged with stuff that I can forget to bring back bb's milk that's left in someone's house! Or better yet, i may wake up early to prep lunch to bring along, only to forget to pack it into my bag! All the responsibilities are clamoring for my attention. It doesn't help too that MIL thinks that my job is real flexible and I'll have less work during the hols thus she can tell the son that she's going off for a hol. Going off for a hol isn't the problem. In fact, everyone needs their respite. BUT, can people keep the MOTHER in the loop? When the spare milk runs out, the son gets to know. When there's logistic changes, the son gets to know. But it's the mommy aka ME who is running the show and no one bothers to update me. Often, I'm caught off guard.

I strive to live in harmony rather than becoming overwhelmed and letting chaos reign but the cumulative effect is killing me softly. However, when I see the below face, all fatigue gets erased (momentarily at least):

Who can resist this sweetie pie?
Bad habit! but self-soothing.
happily doing the twist. She has learnt to turn but not quite stable in doing the flip. At times when she can't flip back, she'll get all irritated and whine. haha...Adorable much?

rising temper and exasperation

He will probably never know. Not unless he reads this blog which he created for me years ago. Yes, created n that was it. Unless i shove the screen in front of his face, else perhaps nothing I write would interest him. In fact, I'm probably the most boring person on this surface of the Earth for him?

Anyhow, as you can sense, the tension is mounting. Indeed, I'm angry, no, livid. My breath caught in my throat as I felt my heart pounding, and temper rising. I'm controlling, but the result -- my eyes bulged and the veins on my forehead seemed ready to burst! I'm incandescent with rage and am very embittered...turning into an extremely disgruntled wife all because of one person -- HIM! Yes you! you know who you are! As patient and understanding as I try to be, the following events have upset me tremendously:

EDD is tmw n though there's no action, no one's sure when will what come right? Given that these few days are wkends and pH , I was initially thinking it’s a gd thing at least the hub can be around for me and spend some couple time with me. The last few days had been rather busy for him at work, thus I can't complain even if I wanted to. You would think that things could be compensated since it's the wkend. WRONG. so WRONG:

Thursday — I waited till 530pm then he informed that he can’t have dinner with me at his mom’s place. Granted that he has work, but it’s so irresponsible to tell me at the 11th hour n the mom doesn’t even know he wasn’t coming back. Upon reaching home at 840pm, he announced that he wanted to join his friends for soccer at 9pm. I was in immense pain that night. The jabbing and prickling feeling in the V area was rendering me helpless n tears of physical pain was well as emotional pain were rolling down. Yet, he wanted to go ahead. It was not until i was in a very uncomfortable position, pouting and tearing, that he decided to relent n cancel his plans. Why do I even have to go to such extent?

Friday — mil din cook thus he said wana come home cook spaghetti n couple time with me (that was coz I told him we really should make use of the remaining time we have else things will change). Sounds sweet? yes, for a moment i was touched and gave him credit. So yes he came back at 7pm...had dinner with me till 8pm, then a phonecall came n he scooted off with tea with E. This time with my blessings as I thought he was merely having tea at the coffee shop down by our block..However, after few hours, he was not back yet, thus sensing something amiss, I texted him twice. No reply after half an hour! Crucial period, how can he do such a thing right? Finally I called him n he said that they changed venue..went to another kopitiam instead. It was nearby n has prata. For the last two days I’ve been whining that I’ve craving for prata but it din occur to him AT ALL that he could buy for me. I questioned him as to why he didnt reply my text..his excuse was that he was busy playing some stupid iphone chess game with E thus NOT FREE! Freaking hell rite? NOT FREE?...ok fine. So I insisted he come back (that was 11pm aldy btw) with prata. He came back at 1145pm (Singapore isn't that big and it would take only 5mins to walk home from his last place of disembarkation). He said he waited for 10mins for prata n asked for curry but after 5 min no curry, he came home as he was pissed with the seller for making him wait. He couldn’t even have the patience to wait for 5more mins..it’s not coz he was in a hurry to come back mind u. he simply was pissed with the seller! WHAT WAS PRATA WITHOUT CURRY?

Saturday (today) -- He woke up n sat over the breakfast table for 1.5hr again on iphone game. The bane of technology! Am really skeptical about the invention of the iphone! I tried distracting myself by completing my xmas decorations...then later told him if he has the time he'll need to wash the fans...esp the ones in our rm n baby rm. He said Aiya, still got time la..in anycase, he can come home whilst I’m in hosp to wash! I had to nag him like crazy, which drove me nuts, until he started to mop the floor (usually he enjoys doing it)...then as for the fan, he procrastinated until I got so fed up I washed it myself after lunch...over lunch he told me he wanted to go practise golf. U would think I should just chill right? yes I'm trying but I know that time is not at our bidding, plus anything can happen anytime, thus it's crucial to get everything done b4 we think of having fun. Then, after dinner, he said at 11pm he wants to go fren’s house watch soccer. I pouted. N he said I shld go too! Why would I want to go? Num one I dun like soccer. Num 2, 11pm-- if i'm lucky, i should be asleep! I did not want to voice out my grievances as he knew what's going on in my mind. I'm scared shit these few days and yet I've to tolerate such crap. So Off he went n assured me that he was just a call away! FYI he'd take 20mins to get home. N i told him i'd rather call my Dad or an ambulance in that case. it wouldnt be of any difference then. In fact, perhaps taxi uncle would do a better job?

Lastly, he preempted me that he has travel plans in early dec. I asked him: what about full mth? his reply: full mth is calculated base on chinese or English calendar? Lame much?

I try to put myself in his shoes. I understand that with the lil one coming along, friends and work may decelerate. However, who's giving me empathy? We women have our career and social life to balance too. Why do women have to always take the backseat? I would love to, but i'm not a SAHM and neither can I aspire to be one given the financial situation he has. it has been a bittersweet r/s and with the highly anticipated arrival of lil watermelon, although we are both very excited, I'm not quite sure of the future. Skeptical. Worried shit. Right now, I'm flushed with ire and really feel like letting go a torrent of expletives, but for the sake of lil watermelon, i shall hold my piece and simply let my angry bile rise in my throat.

Drifting apart

Took this off Holly's blog. I think it's so true thus decided to replicate it here.

Some sooner than others, some more obvious than others... people do change and can drift apart.

A couple does not have to go through a huge, traumatic ordeal (e.g cheating) to break up with each other. Sometimes the relationship simply runs its course.

It's so common, and yet, we often don't see it coming. That's because in most cases, the relationship is exactly the same as it was before, for instance, same bed, same routine, same job, same friends, same country... but now, the feelings are different.

How do you know if you and your partner are drifting apart? Here are the signs...

1. Less Intimacy

By intimacy, I am talking about affection and closeness. Does he still kiss you? Has he stopped cuddling or spooning you at night? Does he pull away when you try to hold his hand?

2. Less Communication

When a partner stops calling as often, or does not bother to return your calls or messages, it's highly likely that he's not bothered to. When you no long feel like you want to tell him about your day (good news or bad news)... it's a red flag too.

3. No Shared Activities

Yes, it's great to have your own life, independent to your partner's. Yes, be your own person. But when you and your partner do not make the effort to include each other into some activities in each others' lives, then you will eventually be 2 completely separate people. Probably not even suited as friends... let alone life partners!

4. No Sex

Yes, there are periods of droughts in every relationship. But prolonged (more than a couple of weeks) periods of no sex (even though you're in the same city/country) is a big red flag.

5. No More Joy
When you realise that there is no more fun and laughter in your relationship, that can definitely be a sign that the two of you are growing apart, especially if you used to laugh together a lot.

6. Petty Fights
Having disagreements from time to time is normal. Fighting every few days is not. If one or both of you start picking fights over the little (and ridiculous) things, or if you find yourselves being much less tolerant than before, those can all be bad signs of an imminent break up.

.

I wish none of these were true... but it is.

3.5 out of 6. That's my score.
Many factors could cause that 'drifting apart' feeling, maybe not to that extent but inevitable if both dun continue to keep it going stronger. Wonder if it's common among couples nowadays, for the relationship to become saturated or worst, stale?
As time pass by, no matter how pretty you are (or "WERE" once upon a time -- that's worse); if a guy look at you everyday somehow the novelty will wear off.

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Late Start but great start

16 days has passed since 1.1.2011 and yes, I'm late again, a problem I'm trying to be mindful of. Afterall, the theme of 2011 is to be mindful. When mindful, I probably won't indulge in unnecessary shopping (still working on that...not seeing the light yet), and am apt to be less idle. When I'm mindful, I'm better able to regulate my emotions (a personal challenge); most importantly, being mindful will also lead me to a calmer frame of mind.

So far, 2011 has been great. letting go of bad feelings and focusing on the positive. Though today the hub sprang a surprise on me to mess up my mood -- he expressed his intentions of golfing in BKK on Day 3 of CNY just because cousin's going. Am trying to keep calm but who likes being "abandoned" during a long break? Being retaliated with the words "it's my hobby and you can come if you want" didn't sound all that right too. Trust me, the latter was purely lip service. I'm made to feel like some excess baggage being dumped in the gully. Marriage can be exhilarating as couples experience new "first". Such is not aplenty in mine. In fact, those episodes were short-lived. I'm befuddled. Things in life, no matter how small, ordinary, humble, mundane or insignificant can bring the most enduring pleasure if only we become aware of them. It takes two to clap and the booms are not permeating on this end. A character flaw which I can't reconcile. Am insanely jealous when I see how others are. I know. It's unhealthy, but it's human nature. Blame it on my obsessive over-thinking. But I promise myself to focus on looking forward as if we are intent on driving in reverse, we'll miss all the scenery. Life is too short to be lived on auto-pilot. I hope I can find my delectable moments elsewhere.


One of my delectable moments! Met up with the gals last Sunday to trade idle banter and juicy gossip. It's amazing how gals can chat. From 4pm we chatted and ate all the way till about 930pm!


The place is nicely done up and nestled away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

Delectable cakes come at a price

Strawberry Shortcake with a twist -- Thumbs up!


This cup of hot chocolate was melted literally from PURE imported chocolate! Hardcore! Was nice at first sip but after a while, it got a little overwhelming.

Signage to my favourite part of the cafe

I'm never a pink person but this is so inspiring! The flowers really brighten up the whole place.



Attended Mz's wedding at Grand Park City Hall yesterday. It's amazing that it's been 1X years since we left school. Thankfully, everyone's still looking more or less the same. Time sure flew like a speeding bullet!

Absolutely love my outfit of the day. H says it's my colour. Couldn't resist taking a narcissistic picture of my back! I almost died in those 4.5" killer heels though.


The food was nothing to shout about. This was the only photo-worthy dish. They were mostly stuff you could find at your local coffeeshop, except they were of slightly higher quality. Service was not up to standard too. J who had vegetarian, was served with a plate of mock squid only to be taken away from her later (after we nibbled) as the waiter informed that the plate was actually meant for all the vegetarians at the banquet! Imagine our shock! On top of that, whilst we were away at the ladies, the noodles was served. We came back and discovered a strand on J's chair! hmm...

Sunday's coming to an end. It had been good. With Kenny G and Yanni in the background, Sunday Times in one hand and sipping a cup of rosebud tea, I hope there'd be more delectable moments and I'll have the presence of mind to enjoy every one of them! :)

Today you are joined in marriage -- E&C

He + She grinned from ear to ear, displaying the gorgeous, melting smile and revealing a row of gleaming teeth. The rush of joy robbed them of their speech. I know, they have never felt such ecstasy coz I myself was influenced by the love that was so apparent.

19 November marked the big day of friends E & C. They met through a mutual friend, A , and after a whirlwind romance, they decided to bind in matrimony. hmm..a big ang bao should prolly be given to A who made "Lunch Actually" possible between these two lovebirds whose paths crossed. It's weird how love works. It's so magical and unexpected. I call it FATE. It was quite a hush hush affair and despite the fact that none of us friends were invited (the solemnization was witnessed only by an intimate group of family), we were all very happy and could feel the frission of excitement which went through. It really reminded me of the day I got married. I was alive in every fiber and shouting with laughter inside.


The radiant bride.
An absolutely gorgeous and unique gown. Talk about being at the edge of fashion.


When I showed my wedding shots to friends, some commented that they were raunchy and suggestive. Looks like I was not the only one who thought that it was art. :)

My favourite!

Love is patient, Love is kind,
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud, it is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.

Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

Lover never fails

(Corinthians 13:4-8)

A flash of merriment showed in her brown eyes whilst his eyes shone in triumph and pride.
With warmest wishes
for the best in life
as you both look forward
to a shared future
of love, friendship,
and the wonderful closeness
that is marriage.

Congratulations

Recalibration of pre-marriage friendships

The weekend hadn't been good. I thought I had a good start on Friday, with a good booze with an old friend W, but alas, it's been downhill ever since.

Firstly, the effigy of my life (or rather, OUR lives) is back in action. This time, suggesting that the problem may lie in us. It's inevitable that marriage can change the complexity of previous friendship. I have no qualms about a married person maintaining a friendship with the opposite sex, but perhaps it's all a matter of degree and context. One should definitely draw the line at maintaining the platonic friendships with the opposite sex after marriage. The fact that intimate issues are discussed at unearthly hours is a cause of some hurt and chagrin. There should probably be rules on this. Yet such are not explicitly laid out and in general, women are more sensitive. How would one feel if his/ her partner is constantly texting or msging the opposite sex? Definitely not "proper" in my opinion and the partner may take it the wrong way. At the very least, even if we don't become best pals, we should at least be on friendly terms and know what's going on. It'd be great if our social circle dovetails. Right now, I sense deceit of some sort. Silly as it sounds, I feel cheated and unloved. Probably inadequate in fulfilling his every need. But I've an innate capacity for chatter so what's wrong? Maybe it's too much. There's a new person in your life now and she takes top priority, regardless of attention of time. However, the hub probably begs to defer as he casually puts it: we have our whole life together! Relationship experts say couples should make time for each other and make that time a priority. I have tried so hard, I'm fell really ill last night. It was miserable enough that I'm ill, but.....(not going to divulge too much for fear that I'm a nag) Alright, to lay the finger on this is absolutely ridiculous. I'm a hopeless romantic, something which is lacking in his department. Need to re-calibrate my thoughts.

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.
~ Lao Tzu

Happy 4th Anniversary

I wanted to entitle the post "Woe-is-gone?" as a continuation from the post before, but thought with the above title, it'd be easier to search in future when I feel am hit by nostalgia and feel like reminiscing. But don't worry, this is not entirely a soliloquy on love.

Much has happened since you were back. An influx of emotions welled up in me due to your insensitivity which constantly render me helpless. It certainly didn't help with that message from a certain someone albeit "by mistake". You have turned me into a paranoid monster, constantly speculating about possible future harms and catastrophic effects which confined me into a mentality of victimhood, resulting in social and relationship paralysis. This irrational fear always creeps in for some strange reason. It's not easy to rekindle such intense love and reading teenage blog posts on puppy love sends a strange tingle down my spine. I want that sensation once more. Like bubbles in soda water! A relationship requires time, effort and reciprocity. Expectations in a relationship are usually implicit, subtle and unsaid, and as a result prone to neglect.

However, I've straightened my thoughts, at least for now. With newfound courage and determination, I'm trying to silence my nagging doubts. Life is filled with positive and negative moments. Good times don't come easy and I believe one must go looking for good times. I revel my good moments and try to stretch them as much as I can. We all have an invisible bucket which can be filled or emptied depending on what others do or say to us. Making strangers feel good is chicken feat compared to making those we love feel good. Seems that the people we love are the ones who try us the most. But that as it may, working towards a positive home environment must be the number one priority in our lives. John Gottman's research on marriage suggests that a magic ratio of 5 : 1 in terms of the balance of positive to negative interactions is crucial for a successful marriage. Without a doubt, we all love positive moments. We all suffer from negativity bias, that is, we react to the bad more strongly and persistently than to the comparable good. Research shows one consequence of negativity bias is that when people's thoughts wander, they tend to begin to brood. Anxious or angry thoughts capture our attention more effectively than happier thoughts. Perhaps my mind's a wanderer, which explains the constant negative status updates on FB -- which is amazing as my plate is amazingly full! (I'm at Session 3 of my course right now and have just printed a stack of notes to plough through. Thankfully, the exam season is coming to an end)

Read this off somewhere: When u are feeling overwhelmed (U bet I am!), schedule a breather for yourself (hmmm when??). You'll equip yourself to deal more effectively with tough situations. Give yourself a proper vacation. Sit down and enjoy what you are doing! You bet I will! Can't wait for the forthcoming trip to Phuket! Air tix and a gorgeous ocean view suite with in-room jacuzzi has been booked! Everything looks set to let the bucket overflow.

On a happier note, to mark our anniversary on 14th October 2010, the following were done to fill my bucket:


Massage, Feet Soak, Mud Wrap and ear candling for TWO! The whole works @ Aramsa, the Garden Spa. Nice sanctuary though customer service could be improved on. At least put on a smile! The massage did not start on time, but ended 5 minutes earlier (they thought we weren't counting). However, as I lounged myself in their relaxation room, sipping the lemongrass/ ginger tea and nibbling on some oatmeal sesame biscuit, everything seemed to be insignificant.
Package amounted to $396 before taxes.

Dinner was @ the highly rated Morton's of Chicago. Sweetie was in the MOOD and wanted to splurge thus Morton's it was. Tried making a reservation but was told that earliest seating was at 915pm due to overwhelming business that night. Mind you, it was a weekday!


Service excellent! Knowing that it was my anniversary (they asked, thus I told!), they printed a menu specially for us with the words "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY". N they were ours to keep!


The whole place was bustling with activities. Several groups of executives packed the room. We were oblivious to their presence and engaged in our lovey dovey talks (if any), but were half the time shouting at the top of our voices.



For starters: Pacific Oysters on the Half Shell for HIM and Lobster Bisque for ME. Have this insane passion for lobster bisque and was high on expectations, however, the bisque at Morton's is a tad too creamy for my liking. lacks flavour from the sea. Oysters however were fresh!


Mains: Filet Mignon, Bearnaise Sauce.
Sweetie desperately wanted to plunge his knife into the succulent piece of meat but I intercepted and managed to take a shot.


Definitely Medium rare! Done with perfection. Sweetie had no complaints that night. Usually he'd be grumbling incessantly about how overly done or bloody the meat is, but tonight, he was speechless and sinking his teeth in this delectable treat.
Broiled Salmon Filet, Chef's Sauce Beurre Blanc
Broiled doesnt sound too exciting initially, but taste it and you won't regret. It's slightly crispy at the bottom but probably because I'm having too much cream, I couldn't finish the huge piece of steak! GOSH! There goes part of the $52!


Sides -- Lyonnaise Potatoes were charged separately and thanks to our "talking menu" (yes, a waitress, who knew it was our first time, came forth to introduce the various cuts and chef recommendations on the menu. Her bubbliness was infectious and apart from that, she was armed with a trolley of beef steaks , alaskan king crab legs etc. Impressed)


As it was our anniversary, dessert was on the house! How sweet is that? Furthermore I didn't need to be a cheapskate this time and ask! We ordered their Hot lava Chocolate cake. A must-try! The warm chocolate is a perfect complement to the ice-cold vanilla by the side. Heavenly! Despite all the shit, cheers to a happy 4th and many more to come!

The staff at Morton's went on to impress me by taking shots of us and giving them to us as gifts! I was speechless and bowled over by their service standards. Well, good things don't come cheap, cheap things don't come good. The meal was the most exorbitant thus far. That day itself, we must have spent close to $1k! OMG! Shall be eating wanton noodles at East Coast Park Food Centre next year! haha


How can the night be done without a present from the hubs? Thank you darling! I hope the gifts get "upgraded" every year! :)


Baby, I know it's tough living with someone whom you deem is perpetually having PMS every month/ day. Thank you for putting up with all my nonsense. We have survived 12yrs without killing each other, thus chances are we're in a good place.

"You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time."

"Keep the eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards." - Benjamin Franklin