Thursday, June 25, 2009

False Bravado

If you are hoping to see photos in this post, you'd be utterly disappointed.

Am just here for a quickie.

Wanna verbalise my thoughts. I'm plagued with a false bravado that I can handle a 12-15hour work day, everyday for 5 consecutive days at least. Who am I kidding? Someone should whack some sense of reality. I need a PA! There's only 24 hours in a day and 12-15hours are spent working, a few more spent on the roads (not including those tormenting traffic jams), 4 hours spent sleeping, 1 -2 hours spent watching my favourite TV drama, 1hr for all 3 meals if I'm lucky...have I exceeded the time budget? Life is filled with loads of excitement but the downside clearly is TIME. I'm having an avalanche to clear before this Friday so that I can enjoy a short sleep-away. Pure sleep and nothing but rest, before things snowballs into the new term. I'm brewing in excitement at the thought of the stylish interiors of Piccolo Hotel but at the same time, the mood oscillates to the other extreme of fear and anxiety when students don't try hard enough and that I'm doing so much for them. With such annoying thoughts and to prevent an onset of an anxiety attack, this certainly warrants a post.

Sometimes I feel I'm putting too much feelings in what I do. Had my last lesson with a little boy whom I've been teaching for 5+ years. He's shy when it comes to articulating his thoughts but when I asked for a hug, I could feel the love. I teased him, urging him to admit that he loves me, but he put on a strong front and refuse to "declare" his love for me. However, the moment I entered my car, my phone rang. It was the little boy. He called to say the last goodbye. Once again, I teased him. "Do u love jie jie (aka ME!)"....."Yes". He even lied to his granny that he was talking to his mom, whom he hasn't seen in days. For the record, granny's a rather grouchy old lady who nags at the slightest thing. With that, we hung the phone. I know I'd probably won't get to hear his bubbly voice, laugh and be annoyed at his silly antics, but the fond memories will follow me through. I do hope that one day he'll wake up and be more sensible. Pity his parents are big time SH**Heads who are undergoing a divorce and entrusting the upbringing of their son to society at large. Some people are just not fit to be parents. The poor boy is faced with so many uncertainties and competitions. He's just so young to realise the implications. I'm sorry I can no longer be there for you...u must learn....else suffer the scrutiny of life. Grow up fast, mentally that is.

Enough rantings. The mountain of work needs my attention once more. Hope such efforts will be reciprocated in terms of results.


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