Saturday, June 19, 2010

Life's a labyrinth

It's amazing that though I've been blogging for a while now, I've only managed a pathetic 319 post thus far. Probably constantly burntout from workload that's constantly piling up (which is a good thing in my case). Commitment to a blog for the long haul is high maintenance, and probably I haven't been all that committed. Discipline. That's what I probably need more of. Or, perhaps just Time.

Several things transpired recently that is making me sit down and think/ blog.

First. Was busy gift-giving after my Japan trip. During the entire vacation, I thought of others more than myself. "have i bought XX a present? What about her kids?" etc. Even till the last day, I was still buying stuff for others and mind u, things there aren't cheap. It's darn tiring! Yet, there's little appreciation, fm both kids and adults alike. Some kids just toss aside the gift without so much as a 2nd glance. ok, perhaps I'm exaggerating but there should at least be the grace to muster up a little appreciation right? Afterall, gifts don't drop down from the sky, it came from someone who thought of them specifically. We live in a culture of excess and this creates ingratitude or maybe more accurately, indifference. For the adults, the common excuse -- Busy. This is can identify with, yet their efficiency is so predominant in their work, but is strangely lacking in giving thanks. Bad upbringing for the kid I say.

Second. Had a talk with a parent few wks back and discovered that an ex didn't do too well on her JC path, thus may not be accepted into the top unis in Singapore. Heartache for both parents and kid as it's been such an ardous task towards achievement. The mum confided that the kid wanted to go overseas, quoting that Singapore's education's too stifled n competition's simply too tough. I don't blame her for such a thought. To a large extent, I do agree that the local education system is exam-centric. Anyway, tantrums were thrown, tears were shed and the kid was even willing to forsake the opportunity to get a place in a local uni, just to go overseas. Immature? I'm in no position to judge. Several wks passed and I was reading her blog, only to realise that the ONE reason she wanted to go overseas for further studies was => LOVE! Sigh. Manipulated into thinking that she is helpless and lost without this guy, she's been trying to fight her way to convince her ever-so-stringent parents. The battle's lost. Expected. Life's a labyrinth and parents often think that what they've planned out for their children, is what's best. Loads of emotions were evoked after reading her post. Perhaps if I were more adamant about my choices, things would have been different. Then again, we wouldn't know, would we? Growing up wasn't all a breeze. Like other like-minded moms, mine manipulated my every move. Thus, our relationship has never been good, let alone great. Dad on the other hand was an angel and I have utmost respect for him. But even in the battle between Dad and Mom (once over whether I should enrol and be reading ART), Dad lost. Yes, that's how domineering Empress Dowager is. I guess if you defy the traditional teachings, it's like going against societal agreement and hence resulting in being judged, face criticisms and being a reject. When I approached the kid today to ask how's she getting along? She gave a forceful smile and said it was fine. Didn't know so much was going on in her mind. It certainly doesn't help that she's the eldest of the 4 and that her mom's a cancer patient. Love can certainly screw one's mind.

hmmm.....So when did your first love happen? Do you know how he's doing? I know I do :) Am very glad I "found" him n rekindled our friendship after so many years. It wasn't easy to let go back then and we both chose to escape. Avoidance was how we played the game. Yet again, I really treasured the friendship we shared. Now, I finally could face him and hope I won't lose this old friend again.

devil in love


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